Alternative (to) sex

I was fortunate enough to have been born after the rise of post-structuralism, which—though certainly not in the mainstream consciousness—gives at least the idea of an option alternative to an ideology which not only defines sex but gives it such prominence. Everything else is substitute. To the point where your “version of sex” is train-conducting, car-racing, model-building, and my “version of sex” is comedy and thought and rough-housing.

The only way we can give our “alternatives” any clout is to compare them to sex, which is the “normal” primary past-time/hobby/passion of people. People cannot comprehend that it’s just not a priority.

It’s not that I actively don’t want it, that I am actively abstinent. It’s not what I “don’t think I need it” (actual quote) or that I think it’ll complicate my life or that I fear intimacy or that I don’t like to be touched. I just don’t care all that much. I don’t give it much thought, and all those reasons demand that it have more prominence in my mind that it actually does.

The only reason I have ever wished it to be any different is so that I could be on the level with it that everyone else seems to be, instead of having to explain this to everyone with whom I happen to get into a conversation about sex. And invariably explain fruitlessly, because no matter how much I attempt, people still either don’t get it or don’t believe it.

There are so many other ways to think about and express love, passion, sensuality (who’s more passionate and sensual than me? No one I know), intimacy, trust, commitment, creativity, desire, energy. And none of these is any less powerful or fulfilling or healthy or valid than sex and/or romantic love.

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5 responses to “Alternative (to) sex

  1. Nice post. I’ve come to realise sex is overrated, even though it seems like that’s tantamount to deviancy. Why is our culture so hypersexual? Is it because hypersexuality lends itself to forms of control..? I’m not sure.

  2. Nice post. I’ve come to find sex a bit overrated, even though that’s tantamount to being some sort of deviant :o. Why is our culture so hypersexual? Does it lens itself to forms of control? I’m not sure.

    (it’s jemal posting, btw)

  3. Thanks for the comments Jemal. I’m happy I’m not the only one. ;)

    I definitely think control is one aspect of hypersexuality—if you think sexuality is (mostly) innate, then it’s clearly being exploited by the media (I’m talking all genders); if you think sexuality is (partly) socialized, then its exploitation serves also as its construction.

    Personally, I think we’re so far gone, so removed from our “nature,” that we can’t say for sure whether something is natural, socially-constructed, or some combination of the two (which is likely). But that’s just me, I felt the need to qualify. :)

  4. “Construction”, you say–in the sense of gender conditioning? Good point.

    In addition to other domains, I also think religion channels sexuality–particularly through imagery, and promises of fulfillment ‘later’. The idea that (sexual) desire can be mobilized/exploited is one that is applicable to politics, as infused as it is with patriarchal language.

    Our nature is unchanged from 500,000 years ago; we are creatures of a different way of living, and if different societies/cultures disagree about anything it’s sexuality–that, or we’re using different phrases to say the same thing (which, after all, happens =)

  5. “Construction”, you say–in the sense of gender conditioning? Good point.

    In addition to other domains, I also think religion channels sexuality–particularly through imagery, and promises of fulfillment ‘later’. The idea that (sexual) desire can be mobilized/exploited is one that is applicable to politics, as infused as it is with patriarchal language.

    Our nature is unchanged from 500,000 years ago; we are creatures of a different way of living, and if different societies/cultures disagree about anything it’s sexuality–that, or we’re using different phrases to say the same thing (which, after all, happens =)

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