Open Letter To The Guy I Occasionally Have Dreams About:
Hi, do you remember me? We had a class together once, a couple of years ago. I think we entered at the same time, too. We’ve never spoken much, very few words, mostly in groups, in fact never one-on-one, I don’t think. In any case- for some reason I’ve had some dreams about you over the last few years, dreams that have, as some are wont to do, infected my every-day life for some reason.
The first one was when I- we- entered school here. It was random, I barely knew who you were then, no one knew anyone except their hallmates at that point. In the dream, you had a name that wasn’t yours, and it took me a while to think of you being named your real name, and not what my dream monikered you. The unexplainable of the dream, the lingering feeling, was one of infatuation, which was weird because I didn’t find you all that desirable. No offense- it’s not that you’re unattractive, you’re just not my type, you know? Anyway, it took about as long to get your name right as it took this weird dream-crush to wear off. And then nothing for a while.
And then, about a year and a half later, there was another dream. This was at the beginning of a term again, and we were both on campus. I don’t remember the details of it, but it was extremely sexually charged. I woke up confused, and then every time I saw you this weird dream-lust thing would happen. It was solely a physical reaction, because it still didn’t change the fact that I didn’t find you all that desirable. But there it was, and it was really really intense for a while, and rather distracting I might add, and it took even longer to wear off. A month or something just to even start fading.
And then nothing for a while.
And then, this week. Again, the beginning of a term, we’re both on campus. I saw you a few times before remembering the dreams, because there was nothing lingering from them at all. I thought, I wonder if I’ll have another.
Last night, I had another. This one was much more clear, narratively-speaking, probably because I’ve been keeping a pretty good dream-journal (thanks to the inspiration of Rissa). In it, there was obviously something going on between us, something that didn’t get to culminate before the dream ended. Thankfully, however, this dream didn’t leave any weird lingering effects, so I don’t think it’ll be a problem this time.
But, naturally, I wonder. I guess it’s possible that it’s all me, that I subconsciously latched onto you, some part of you, that represents something else or something, something my dreams don’t want to make easy for me to figure out. Or maybe I am secretly in love with you, in lust anyway, so secret that even I don’t know it.
But maybe it’s you. Has this sort of thing ever happened to you? Are you maybe involved in it somehow, on some cosmic level? Are you dreaming about me and then wondering why, for the love of God, what does this mean, like I am? Maybe you’re orchestrating all this, playing me like a marionnette, all the while laughing maniacally.