to communalize; to even out

and why shouldn’t people seek out like-minded comrades/soulmates/tribe members and communalize? if you can do it it’s a beautiful thing. and doing this on the basis not of the common oppression/privilege model, but rather the more positive, personal, and individual things that bring them together, and by choice. having that choice is a privilege, having that connection to a community is a privilege, but these privileges often transcend political boundaries, so why not embrace them? and make the most out of them and inspire social change by example- the most important method of all (as far as i’m concerned).

if this community is exploited, marginalized, or targeted by those in power or if it is used as an excuse for other, less genuine movements- well that’s not their fault, is it? for the most part they themselves are just trying to get by in a world that has foresaken them, in the best and most comfortable way, given options that others do not have, but sometimes choice itself is an overwhelming thing, as is comfort, a tool used against us in ways that the opposite was used in generations past.

there is nothing inherently wrong with comfort. like anything, it’s all in how it’s (ab)used. and what else can a disenchanted, disillusioned, empty, soulless, godless youth do when hope for any major social movement has been crushed and battered by the powerful who are just getting more and more powerful? hell, i myself am on the verge of giving it all up and living the rest of my life in apolitical peace. i’ll just have to get the part of my brain removed that has learned too much about the evil subversive ways of the dominant, dominating world.

*

i think i’m finally evening out. i no longer feel guilt and turmoil when consuming or doing anything and everything, knowing the implications and consequences of one are merely different, not better, than the other. i no longer get down on myself for not having the energy to single-handedly overthrow the government, or for taking the privilege of “me” time.

i’ve learned that there’s no way to do it without unwanted, unwilling hypocracy, guilt, and way more unhappiness and negativity than the positive change that may or may not come from it. it all boils down to and can be summed up by the idea what w.out the privilege of education, i could not attempt to rid anyone- not myself, not the world- of said privilege, but that will never change the fact that i will always have that privilege. however i got it- it’s there.

in san francisco i felt that i was at a crossroads- either stop school now and reject the privilege as much as possible, living life in accordance with that, or else give myself over to the middle class completely, using my education and privilege as a tool to better myself and work for the common good from a place the uneducated simply cannot. having that choice meant i didn’t have a choice, and i have now- whether i like it or not, b.c any other choice would be even more hypocritical and fucked-up- given myself over to the latter.

now i just have to learn to live with myself and remember, “compromise is the key to success!”

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