Actual headlines and opening words from January 2005’s British GQ Magazine
Hassle-Free Sex!
How To Steal
Another Man’s Mistress
Business Special!
Trade Secrets,
Travel Tips
And
Out-Of-Office Sex
‘Drugs Right Hookers Left’
The GQ Complaint:
Women In Denim
This month
photographer Bob Carlos Clarke
unveils ‘Love Dolls Never Die’,
a study of women as objects.
Delights include fetishised females…
Q:
How come women
love to panic
like maniacal birds,
only to recover
from their hysteria
minutes later;
and why
is it that
usually unflappable men
find this
so hard
to ignore?
A:
Because,
as an over-caring man,
you suffer
from
Female Contagious Stress Syndrome.
If you are
reading this magazine
you really should
be feeling
exceptionally good
about yourself.
Big car, small dick.
Big feet, big dick.
Gorgeous girlfriend, big dick.
Easy Lay
Or
Easy Life?
[She] is so tiny—
not just small, but
delicate, wispish—
that you’d have to be
even more
of a wimp than me
to feel intimidated
by her.
Next time…
a young female snowboarder
asks you
if you have
a mountain in your pocket,
don’t disappoint her.
Britain’s Biggest-Selling
Quality Men’s Magazine.
Voted Magazine Of The Year.
Insipid Missives 
I think I have been married too long as I cannot relate to your title of Hassle-Free sex. It all seems like a hassle right now. Hmm, interesting!!!
I almost commented. Saved my self.
Here is a little poem from, oh, say more than 10 years before you were conceived.
You aren’t very much
but you frighten me, or maybe
your idea
for it is not so much
you i fear that worries
me.
It is me, I fear.
I scare myself
gazing, almost falling
in your eyes
—
I was going to comment on
hassle free big Dick.
Changed my mind.