memento, hospital

yesterday afternoon, to keep out of the sun and the heat, i went to the movie theatre. this theatre usually plays nothing good – because it’s $1.75, you see – but there was a film that looked interesting, called memento. well, i saw it, and it was incredible!! i highly recommend it… it was so powerful, so real that upon returning to my car, i was in such a daze, and was sure that any minute, i was going to lose my short-term memory… scary.

okay, so, hospital – it started sunday afternoon at the state house. it was this thing for work; the national governor’s association was in town, and all 50 governors were there, and they were going to have waterfire and a ceremony. we city year people were flag bearers, carrying and marching with each of the 50 flags.

i was feeling a little icky walking up there – it was so hot, and i was sickish anyway, and tired, etc., etc., etc. – and when we got inside, there was no a.c., and we were in this room with over 50 people, just milling about, checking it and stuff. then this woman began to explain what we were going to be doing, and i started feeling all dizzy and disoriented.

now, i get that a lot, especially in the heat, so i didn’t think much of it. it usually passes, you see, right after it gets really bad. however, it did pass, and just continued to get worse. i nearly lost my balance and fell a few times, and couldn’t focus even remotely on what she was saying. i sat down, and it still kept coming on strong, and then everyone began to get their flags.

i went up to adrianne, who was kind of heading up this project for us. i could barely talk – oftentimes, i find, when i’m really sick, i don’t have much of a concept of just *how* sick until i try to talk to other people. all i could manage to get out was that i thought i was getting heat exhaustion. because of how choked up i was, and later i found out very pale, she helped me outside (there was a small balcony off the room) where it was mildly cooler – in the shade, with some breeze. i sat down on a chair out there. my back was killing me (on the walk up it really got a licking), and my stomach started to feel funny, so i curled up my legs a wee bit.

she asked me what had happened, how i felt, etc. it was so hard to think, let alone talk, but i tried to explain it. by then everything hurt – i had a headache, my limbs were sore and going numb (those two things probably because of my poor circulation), and that i felt a little nauseous, very dizzy, disoriented, bordering on delirious, that it was hard to breath, my heart felt tight, etc. someone brought me water, and a few people came out to see how i was doing.

i said that i was worried about the flag. that was one of the reasons i kept going, even though i knew i was sick, as much and as far as i could. i didn’t know if they had enough flag bearers, but it turned out they did – they had plenty. adrianne even gave her flag to someone else so she could stay with me, drive me to the car or something. she asked me what i wanted to do, and i said i didn’t know… i said i thought i just needed to rest and then i’d be fine. but that i couldn’t drive home in this condition. she agreed. she asked if i wanted to go to the hospital. i kind of groaned, i think. i don’t like hospitals, you know, plus i don’t have health insurance at the moment (it’ll be reinstated in about a month – go figure! i kept making jokes about how it just *had* to happen *now*).

laura came out, asked me what my symptoms were. i told her, adding that it was hard to swallow the water. she didn’t like how it sounded, and suggested to see if there any first-aid people around. adrianne ended up finding some, and a few came up, out onto the balcony, and checked and prodded me a bit before taking me downstairs into this small office that was air-conditioned.

everything from this point on is quite vague, so i’ll be brief. they put me on iv, but it had a weird effect on me (i think because i was sitting up): i started to get really nauseous (although i didn’t get sick at all) and dizzy, very woozy in my head. they moved me so i was lying on this table, and ended up having to switch the iv to the other arm because it hurt so much and my hand and forearm were numb.

adrianne was with me this whole time. she told me later that when they put in the second time, she felt like *she* was going to pass out, heheh. she hates needles, and felt how much pain i was in. when they put in the second iv, i nearly passed out – it was so painful, and i had no energy; i started to breath real heavy, nearly hyperventilated, and i kept fading out and speaking incoherently. one of the guys kept me talking, and at least a dozen times i was asked, “are you still with me?” and “keep your eyes open!” i was unhappy about that – all i knew was that i was so tired!!

they decided to bring me to the hospital. i was still too incoherent to resist much, although i did try. adrianne left to meet us there, and eventually the ambulance came. i kept my eyes closed for nearly the entire time they put me onto the stretcher and moved me out of the office. i didn’t even want to be there. we had to go through this main hall where there was a lot of people – i couldn’t tell if it was the big party or anything, as i wasn’t looking, but i could hear and sense a large room with a large number of people who had suddenly gotten a lot quieter. down the elevator we went, through the sub-basement to the back entrance. i said, “i brought out trash this way!” (when i volunteered for the film festival last year).

will continue later… i need to get my memories straight.


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